9/11/08

Ladies and Gentlemen. Prepare to Be Offended. It's Teenape!


The revolution of Digital Video filmed movies has created a glut of crap. More often than not when I see one of those kind of films there's just nothing to it, and it's a complete waste of time. However, a few years back Fran Goria brought to me a film that was shot in that style, and ever since I've been a big fan of the directors work. Granted even his work is hit and miss, but that first glorious piece of lo-fi poorly acted offensive trash was Mulva:Zombie Asskicker and the director was Chis Seaver. 

Seaver and his Seaververse contain tons of ongoing characters. Mulva got another movie (the next time played by the scrumptious Debbie Rochon), and Bonejack his Bill Cosby wannabe / supernatural crime fighter has appeared in at least a half dozen. The list goes on and on, but there's one adolescent simian that stands out from the pack. The one the only. TEEN APE!

Teenape Goes to Camp (2008) starring Casey Bowker, Meredith Host, Jesse Ames, and A.J. Stabone. Directed by Chis Seaver.

Teenape, who we first see in full Pirates of the Caribbean mode, is out to make sure a pirate wench doesn't steal his doubloons. (The wench is played by Noel Williams who is the shining moment in one of Seaver's other films Filthy McNastiest: Apocalypse Fuck!) The doubloons he is seeking come from Davy Jones locker. (Teenape is a huge Monkees fan.)This part of the film is inconsequential,but hilarious. Immediately after beheading the wench, Teenape gets a call from Heather who calls in a favor. Seems she need another counselor for camp leadership courses, when Teenape is promised tons of fresh trim he agrees. 

Teenape arrives at camp and meets with Heather and Proudfoot, a metal obsessed Native American mystic, and the campers. There's a couple of LARPers, a jock that really wants to get laid, a slutty chick, a Mexican Samurai, and a stoner mutant named Bubbles. You know the kind of folks you meet every day. Finally Chote, the last camper, arrives. Chote is Teenape's nemesis and also a major hollywood actor and former secret agent for the Vatican. A.J. Stabone chews up the screen as Chote almost as well as Teenape himself. 

After a fun afternoon of frolicking and a few stories over the camp fire, they settle down for the night. Teenape has an early appointment with Honey, the slutty camper. When he arrives though, he finds Chote already there. What follows is a scene I won't describe, but we learn a lot about the nature of "sexual respect" and informative information on national monuments. Teenape then beds down for the night only to be awakened at gunpoint by Heather who informs him that it's all been a trick, and all the campers are actually there to hunt the Teenape! Teenape takes to the woods and after a run in with a dwarven mystic dons the magical legendary '80's headband. Now the hunted becomes the hunter. Tons of twists and turns and a sudden appearance by Baghead (who is just what he sounds like) follow in a very entertaining run to the finish. 

So is this movie good? Well, judged by what? The actors are middling, but everyone sinks their teeth into their roles like rabid wolfhounds. Is the script good? Hell no. It's full of some of the most disgusting, offensive, misogynist language and tired old recycled plot lines ever to grace my video screen, but its a laugh a minute and the jokes keep coming and coming like a rocket launcher full of feces and shredded copies of Hustler. The only thing you can judge a Chris Seaver flick is by another Chis Seaver flick, and in my mind this is one of the best. However, if you're easily offended, if you don't want to watch something that's silly for the sake of being silly, and you're looking for something with merit and production values, then you've come to the wrong place. If you want to have a good time and you're ready for some extreme laughs, check out this one and I think you'll be glad that you met Teenape. Tell him the old LB and Fran Goria sent you.




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